CIGARETTE BUTTS AND SENSELESS TANGENTIALITIES

DAY A (October, Somwhere in Makati)
I had my interview and application for a Norwegian Visa done. I was sitting on a restaurant at Pacific Star eating my late lunch when the thought sank in myself: Am I ready to leave all the people I love behind and venture a new beginning? Baffled.



DAY B (Early November, Somwhere in Sta. Mesa, Manila)
I woke up early and while my ex lazily slouched at the Sofa watching TV, I opened my email from the PC in his room.The silence was broken when I suddenly screamed my lungs out! My visa was approved in the shortest unexpected time. He was happy, but I could see the sadness in his face. He gave me a hug. I hugged back so tightly, and before I knew it, there was drama and tears all over his room. I called my mom to deliver her the news. We started crying over the phone, both of happiness and melancholy from the inevitable separation soon.



DAY C (December 1st week, Somwhere in E.Rod)
I handed my resignation letter to my manager. Rumors have been around that I'll be resigning soon, but this day was all but pivotal for all. I loved working with the staff of the best medical center in the Philippines, so that day was extra hard for me.



DAY D (January, 1st week, Boracay)
I spent a week at Regency Lagoon with my family.  How I wish those days lasted forever.



DAY E (January, 3rd week Sta Mesa, Manila)
I spent my last overnight stay at my ex's room. Before I left, we were both crying hard. As I bid him goodbye, I looked at him for the last time, the last glance was unsure as the certainty of us being together  til the day I'll come back was also blurry. I have always opened my mind to any possibility. That's the sad reality part.



DAY F (January, 3rd Week, Oslo)
I arrived here in Oslo that day. The night was dark as I have never imagined. The air, the breeze, oh they were painful. The silence here was deafening. I realized I came to the place exactly opposite of hell. The each snowflake that touched my skin was burning cold, each one sharp as a glacier tip. This is reality now.



DAY G (February 2nd Week, Oslo)
I just arrived from a short vacation trip from Germany and I was not ready to know the news I learned. Someone has been doing a little nitty gritty behind my back. The premise "when the cat is away, the mouse will play" played over my ears and it nearly killed me. My ex, which was still my BF that time, has not really been completely faithful to me. And though my heart was crushed that time, I still opted to forgive  him and start over again. Foolish.



DAY H (March, 3rd week)
I was desperately in need of a job that time. After sending out nearly 300 applications and undergoing 4 nose-bleeding Norwegian job interviews, I finally got a call from an employer and offered me employment. Has it not been for that day, maybe I'm deported back to Manila right now.



DAY I (April 3rd week)
I celebrated simply my 1st birthday away from my family. My sister and  my bayaw's family were there to cheer me up on my special day. It was fun, but I still felt empty.



DAY J (May 1st days)
Since I know how to manipulate data in order to spy on one's accounts (yes, hacker in other words), I learned a shocking truth. With my ex. Foolish me again x2. We talked. He said he'll change. I gave in.



DAY K (May, 1st week)
Angina with extreme shortness of breath enveloped me as I discovered for the 3rd time that cheating is his game. Not expected from someone I had been with for almost 3 years. I also learned that he also cheated on me while I was away at Boracay way back last January.  I gave up. Its whats better for him, and best for me. Like Jesus, I was kissed by Judas the 3rd time. Unlike Jesus, I can't forgive the deceit anymore.



DAY L(May 2nd week)
For days, I have been so down, no energy, no drive at all. I decided to open a blog so I can release all my rants here. I have no friends here, you know. That made this break up extra hard for me. Thus, my Cigarette Butts and Senseless Tangenialities was born. Here, I unsolicitedly expressed myself, and amazed myself to feel comfort from those few people who showed their sympathy and empathic comments.



DAY M (May 3rd week)
A blogger, which I planned to make dedma, posted on 1 of my enties. Welcoming, he invited me to come with him to Malate to party  the next time ill have my vacation in the Philippines. Ang friendly naman nito, echusero pa! I found that nice. So I said, sure. Then he asked me to email him which I did. I don't usually converse with people through email because I find it boring. I use my mail for important, work-related stuffs. But I guess, I found some satisfaction and warmth everytime I reply to his emails. These emails went on and on and I must admit I never got tired replying to them. We exchanged digits and started texting each other. Endless kwentuhan, endless exchanges of updates and kulitan. It amused me how this funny, witty person interests me. Happy lang, ganyan! We even started joking each other by he calling me hon and me calling him bhe. Nakakainis, pero cheesy. He was sweet, I must admit. He name is NOX here in the cyberworld, my dad in real life.



DAY N (June 1st days, Oslo Sentrum)
It was 8am that day and oficially, it's the first day of summer. I was alighting a bus when I received a message from him. It read: "I know naglolokohan lang tayo pero you've made me smile these past few days. Thank you! Ingat sa byahe, ron"

Smiling, I re read the message a couple of times more before a white speck landed on the phone's screen. I raised my eyes, and saw some little glistening white flakes falling from the sky. I closed my eyes, felt the cool summer breeze and the icy specks falling down my face. It was beautiful. Perfect. Snowy drizzle on the 1st day of summer!  I then realized, someone this kind, sweet, adorable is not worth loosing grip. I will not let this person go.

Since then, things got romantically deeper between the two of us.



DAY O (June, last days, Oslo)
At the end of the month and exactly the middlemost day of the year, we decided to officially get together. It was the start of soemthing greater than beautiful.



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Dad (nox) onced asked my bestfriend and I also wondered about this question myself: Why do we have to be away from each other?! Why havn't I met dad when I was still in the Philippines? My bestfriend's answer to dad was logically simple: If Ron didn't went to Norway, you guys wouldn't have met each other. He will still be naively being cheated by his ex and probably you would have ended up with someone else.

I couldnt agree more!

I think these series of events was perfectly designed so as it can serve it's purpose. Meeting dad was the highlight of this year. If I didn't go overseas, I wouldn't have broken up with my ex, and woudn't have created this blog. The slimmest of the slimmest chance of meeting dad seems impossible. What are the odds, that dad's hurtful breakups (yes, i know his stories), and my devastation with my ex was not just a mere accident but a planned incident?

It's really hard to be away from my dad right now. But you see, I have to endure all these sacrifices. We both do, because we want this. I have been waiting for the past 26 years and surely a few more months wouldn't hurt me as I count my days before we can be together finally. It's an extra effort for us, but for this, I'm willing to risk it all.

If there's one thing I adore so much about my dad, it's his maturity in life. He may be the youngest person as compared to my exes but I'm well too sure he's the most mature. I would like to thank him for making me realize life's simplest lessons in a nutshell full of love.

So there, everything happens for a reason. Yes, it does. Trust me.