CIGARETTE BUTTS AND SENSELESS TANGENTIALITIES

I blankly stared at the lonely alley by the taxi's window. The bluish view of the outside world chilled my bones though the taxi's air warmer is perfectly working fine. Somehow I told myself, it's gonna be a long cold winter.

I opened the door of our house and I smelled the fresh dead air. Nothing was there. Not even a sound. My safe refuge that was once filled with homely voices and laughter is dead and gone. The silence was deafening. I am alone. I knew this day would come. I knew all along.

Nothingness rang in my ears, like tinnitus pounding in my cochlea. It was an unexplained feeling of emptiness that enveloped me. I tried to stay glad, and it was hard. I would be fooling myself if I say that I am happy when I am not. But I guess this is life, full of paradoxical sacrifices we just have to accept and go through.

I would be trying my best to be happy for the next few months. I always feel the beating of my heart and find some light in it somehow. It is now beating for a purpose and I know that somewhere, someone is out there smiling for me, hoping to see me again, continuously loving me despite my physical absence. It's our choice. We started this love apart, but soon, when the right time comes, we'll never have to be apart again. It brings joy in my heart to know that someone is patiently waiting for me. I am eternally grateful that he is happy because he has found happiness in me as I did in him.

I just have to think of you and I would never be so alone...

I love you dad...