CIGARETTE BUTTS AND SENSELESS TANGENTIALITIES

sorry this message is overdue. That goodbye
message was not brought about by my
depression. yea i was sad but not depressed. at
least i dont think so. or i might just be in denial.
anyway, im pretty okay with you having a bf. but
yea sumama ang loob ko. it paind me.not because
there'll be no longer a possibility of "us" but
because i believe i was misled. all those times you
were texting and saying and making me feel like
im a special person. I was slapped and felt so
unfairly judged when i was labelled as a "chatter".
A few days ago..less than 2 weeks ago, we were
even talking about galera. I was really excited. I
dunno why but it just feels wrong for me. I thought
you were afraid that with me chatting sometimes
even the whole night that i might be just
like "them". I told you that I am not. Yun pala ikaw
yung the one that's making me feel something
then surprise me with "i was talking with my bf".
When you texted me that forwarded msg
asking "bakit pag ang mahal mo nawala hinahanap
mo...may hinahanap ka?.... bakit, mahal mo ba
ako?" i told you that how can i lose something that
was never mine. I was afraid to say "yes, i do" coz
it doesnt fit the premise of the message.

This is not a desperate move to win you back. I
dont do that. I dont tear up relationship. But i
dontjust leave and turn my back without letting
myself be heard and speaking what my soul is
crying out for. I meant it when i said im happy for
you. and i also mean it when i said goodbye. tapos
na ako. sana lang wag mo na gawin sa iba ung
ginawa mo sa akin..made me feel something by
saying stuffs that you dont really mean naman
pala. Enjoy your coffee.